Stage Mom Here I Come!

Ugh. That's the best word to describe what I'm about to tell you.

This summer we put Emma in a Theater camp at the local high school. They meet Mon-Thurs from 9am to 12pm. They are separated into small groups and each group is assigned a short Disney play to perform on the last night. It's not a big production - just a few songs and scenes per group. They don't even wear costumes, just camp T-shirts with maybe a few accessories to distinguish each character.

Emma was chosen to play the part of Abu from Aladdin. I was so excited for her. It's the perfect part for her. She gets to run around on stage like a little monkey. I thought that whoever chose her part must have really gotten a sense of who my child is. She actually had quite a few parts and was really doing a good job of remembering everything. She loves drama camp and is so excited for the performance(next Tues).

So, yesterday when I went to pick her up I asked her to ask her teacher if they had a lost and found, as she had left a barrette there the previous day. She asked, he said no, but they'd keep an eye out for it. Then he turned to me and said, "Oh! And just so you know, we had to switch her play." Here's a general idea of the rest of the conversation:

Me: Oh? (turning to Emma) That's a bummer!
Emma: I get to be a giraffe!!
Me: A giraffe? That's fun.
Mr. David: Yeah there were just a few issues, and I wasn't there at the time, but she should be fine in the other play.
Me: (to Emma) Are you OK with that?
Emma: Yeah! I love Lion King.
Me: (to Mr. David) Well, as long as she's happy, I'm fine.
Mr. David: Yeah there was just a little problem, but we talked to Emma and she understands.
Me: OK, well thank you.
(up to this point I'd been thinking there was a problem with her play and that every child in her group had to switch. I thought Mr. David was trying to give me as little info as he needed to to protect someone's privacy or something)

Mr. David: (to Emma) And we're still going to have a stuffed monkey in the play to represent you, so you're not disrespected.

Ummm...he said this as we're walking out the door, so I kind of processed it after we were out. In other words...Emma had been misbehaving and he had to put her in a different play because of her behavior. HUH? Gee, Mr. David, thanks for explaining things to me clearly. And I honestly don't think he would have said anything had Emma not approached him about the barrette. So I asked Emma to tell me more and finally got the whole story out.

Apparently the previous day, or maybe even the day before that, as they were getting ready to leave Emma had been spitting at Aladdin(Keegan). He threatened to tell on her and then apparently did because she said two of the teachers came over, but she didn't remember what they said. The next morning(yesterday) Mr. David had came to her and told her that because of her spitting she needed to be moved to a different play and she could play whatever part she wanted to play. Are you kidding me?? She was so excited to pick the giraffe - it was not a punishment at all!! Not to mention the fact that I purposely put her in this camp - with small groups - for her to get some acting experience - not stand around in the background being a giraffe!!!

The two things that upset me the most were:

1. I was not kept in the loop at all. It is one thing for my child to act up and then to have a consequence because of it. I will be the first to say that Emma has some behavior issues. And I am all for negative consequences. But if it is such a problem that she needs to be removed from those people - then I need to be made aware of it. Mr. David didn't appear to even want to tell me about it. And the way he told me made no sense! I honestly had no idea - till we left - that my child had actually done something wrong. He was probably scared of my reaction(who can blame the guy) but he still needed to communicate better with me.

2. Letting Emma choose whatever part she wants is rewarding her behavior - not punishing it. When I mentioned to her that I was going to talk to Mr. David about it again, she was upset that she might not get to be the giraffe again. I think his whole purpose in moving her wasn't meant to be a punishment, it was more meant to just prevent the situation. But what's to stop her from doing it again, now? Now that she knows she will get rewarded for it!

Anyway, I was very glad that when I talked to Ian about it, he agreed. He is usually the more forgiving, merciful one between us and most times finds a way to calm me down and realize that it's no biggie. But he stuck with me on this one and even went so far to suggest that I ask for a refund.

So I called the office as soon as I got home and left a message for Mr. David. Never got a call back so I decided that the next morning(today) I'd go early and try to talk with him. Here is how much I HATE confrontation: I slept terribly last night. I kept waking up, thinking of what I would say to him and how he might possibly react. Also, this morning as I was planning what I would say - I kept getting butterflies in my stomach. And now as I'm thinking of how our conversation went, I feel sick to my stomach. My biggest fear was that I would start crying. Usually when my words are fueled by anger or frustration - they don't come out right. I don't make any sense, I start to confuse things and then just burst into tears because I can't accurately get my point across. So...I said a bunch of prayers, packed the kids up, and headed out this morning.

(wow this is a long post)

When we arrived, Mr. David was walking up the same time I was. I asked if he had a minute and could I speak to him. At first I don't think he knew I was talking to him. When he realized I was - he had to physically gear himself up for this conversation. I think he dislikes confrontation just as much as I do. He put his stuff down and took a deep breath. I sent Emma inside. Here's our confrontation(roughly):

Me: So I guess yesterday when we talked, I didn't really understand that it was Emma's behavior that caused her to be switched. I know you said you weren't there at the time, but I'm just trying to understand what exactly happened.
Mr. David: Well, she was spitting, which is unacceptable, so we chose to remove her from that situation.
Me: OK That's what Emma said. She said it was near the end of class?
Mr. David: To be honest, I really don't know when it was.
Me: OK I understand that her behavior was causing a problem, and I'm not angry or upset with you, it's just that moving her to a different play really didn't do any good because she is so excited to be a giraffe.
Mr. David: Well it wasn't just that one time, she'd been acting up and wasn't paying attention, was distracted.
Me: OK That's totally in character for her and I understand how that could be a problem, but why not give her a time out, or make me aware of the problem so that I can help deal with it?
Mr. David: Honestly, I just thought it was best to move her to a different play.
Me: I guess that's what upsets me - because she went from having a good part and getting some great experience, to standing in the back being a giraffe with no acting experiences.
Mr. David: Oh she'll still get acting experience.
Me: Are you sure you can't just give her another chance? Especially now that I've been made aware of it and can help in the discipline?
Mr. David: I just really don't feel comfortable doing that.
Me(at this point I could see that he really wasn't budging so I[embarrassingly] pulled the manipulation card): Well my husband is just really upset because we paid all of this money and specifically chose this camp because of the small groups and the chance she would get to have a part and get some acting experience. We didn't pay all of this money for her to be a giraffe in the back of a play.
Mr. David(with a little bit of attitude): Well if you really want to I can move her back.
(I actually thought I didn't hear him right so I asked him to repeat himself and he did - with even more attitude)
Me: OK great, well I've talked to her and if she acts up again, even one time, now that I've been made aware of it - I am totally OK with her being moved back to a giraffe. I just wanted her to have a chance again, now that I've talked to her about it. Thank you so much and really, please tell me if it becomes a problem again.

UGH!!! I HATE CONFRONTATION!! But, thankfully, I was able to get my point across and she was given a second chance. I did talk again with her and made it clear that if she didn't pay attention, keep her hands to herself, and do what she was supposed to do, then she wasn't going to get another chance, and she would have consequences...not only just switching her to a different play. So she went and apologized to Mr. David who said something like, "OK Honey, but you and I need to have a little talk about it." And I am very glad he did that. I very much want my child to be held accountable for her behavior, especially since I worked so hard to get her another chance. I just feel really bad for being the typical stage mom and forcing him to put my child in a better part(again).

So...if you actually read all of this, I'm sorry. I just needed to vent and get all of my thoughts out so that I could stop dwelling on how yucky and awful I feel for being so mean. I just hope that Mr. David doesn't hold it against Emma, and I really hope she can get her act together(no pun intended) and have a great time.