There is something seriously wrong with Mckenna.
She has pteronarcophobia...a fear of flies.
A serious fear of flies.
It's out of control.
It's so bad that Ian and I are contemplating taking her in to some kind of doctor. I think it all began with this post. I'm not sure if that night was what triggered it, but regardless, we had no problem before that.
There have been two times since that night that she's come to me crying and shaking because there was a tiny bug on her. One time it was a gnat and the other time it was a bug so small that it took me a while to figure out that it was actually a bug and not a freckle.
So a few days ago Emma noticed that there was a fly in the house. I started to go look for the fly swatter and Mckenna started flipping out. I'm not kidding you. FLIPPING. OUT. Crying, shaking, hyperventilating...flipping out. I've never seen her so upset. She kept pulling at her clothes and scratching her skin - she totally had the heebie jeebies. I couldn't find the fly anymore and yet she still was flipping out. Finally I sent her to the playroom and told her to close the door while I killed the fly. I went in later and she was just sitting on the floor frantically squeezing the corner of a blanket and crying. I told her I had gotten the fly(does that count as a lie?) but I really couldn't find it anywhere. So she came out but still wouldn't calm down for another hour.
Here is the proof:
All through dinner she would just randomly start hyperventilating and crying. I tried my hardest to just distract her and by bedtime she was back to normal...only to wake up soaking wet covered in sweat an hour later, screaming and not able to make any sense. When she finally said coherent words it was, "I want Daviiiiiiiiid..." I told her to lie down on her pillow and I started to sing to her. She was asleep before I got through the first line of the song. She woke up 3 more times that night screaming and scratching her skin trying to get the "flies" off.
And that's how it's been for the past week. That same fly has been in just about every room of the house but he never seems to land and we haven't been able to kill it. So every time Emma sees it she tells everyone and the ordeal starts all over again. There are also plenty of times when Mckenna imagines that there are flies all over her. Or the one time that she told me they were crawling all over inside her skin and she wanted me to get them out.
But last night was the worst. We had a babysitter so that we could go to dinner and the temple(it was great!!) and when we got back she said that Mckenna had another fly episode but luckily was sleeping peacefully when we got home. I took the babysitter home and when I got back Ian was upstairs next to Mckenna's door trying to make out what she was screaming. We tried about 3 times to calm her down and finally went in and Ian gave her a blessing. When we put her back in bed I told her that Heavenly Father was going to help her and if she woke up and got scared again that she could say a prayer and she'd be able to go back to sleep.
So a couple of minutes later she was back to her screaming again but this time it was words. I crept next to her door only to hear the end of a prayer, "because I'm scared of bugs, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen." She was quiet for about 10 seconds and then began another prayer, this one excalating in volume and insanity with each word. It was so pitiful. I swear a tiny piece of my heart broke off right then.
After exhausting ourselves we gave up and brought her into our bed. She woke up twice during the night but I think she was just checking to make sure I was still next to her because she went right back to sleep.
It has now gone past the point where Ian and I can handle this on our own. I have NO idea what to do. Just keeping flies away from her doesn't do any good because then she just imagines them. And I can't keep her away from them forever. It started off as a really funny thing. Now it's just pitiful and I am totally feeling inadequate as a parent because I don't know what to do. Any ideas?
15 comments:
That's so sad! I'm sorry! Chan and Hailey have both had phobias. Hailey's is germs and Chan's is getting nervous. His teacher told him that everytime he got nervous to go slap his designated tree in the playground and it will slap all his worries away. So he did for a week, then he forgot about it and he was better. Once in awhile he'll do it because it helps. Find something that will distract her like a stuffed animal or a book or blanket. I would call your pediatrician and see what she says. I did that with Hailey and she gave me ideas to use for 2 wks and if that didn't work I would take her to a therapist. But it got better because we tried to distract her with differnet things. Call me and we can talk if you need. We've been there. But poor baby sounds she's having a tough time and it IS heartbreaking!
When i first started reading this post I remembered Sarah's fear of flies. It was pretty intense as well. Once we got one in the car and she had a melt down. But it sounds like this is more serious if she is waking up with cold sweats. I would talk to your pediatrician. It could just be a short lived fear, one she will quickly out grow.
It sounds like you are handling it rather well though. What more can you do then just love her and walk her through it. This to shall pass.
Oh poor Kenna!! If it is a serious phobia there are different things a therapist can do that will help her to grow past it. I agree to call your pediatrician. In a couple years I may be able to help you but for now I would say to either look online for tips or call the pediatrician. I agree with Heidi to try using something to distract her. I wonder maybe trying to play soft music in her room at night or something. It just made me so sad to read your post. Don't worry you are not an inadequate parent for not knowing what to do, it sounds like you have been doing great so far.
That is the saddest thing I have read in a very long time. I'm so sorry and hope you guys are able to help her through it. I can't think of any more capable parents, and you know that I'm serious when I say that. Hopefully with some time, prayers, and maybe some advice from a pro, she'll get past this and back to her regularly scheduled programming. :)
Oh, Megan I forgot! Shannon J. has a great idea too about playing music in Kenna's room at night. Chandler did that and it helped him to relax and fall asleep. He turns on his classical cd every night now after prayer. It really helps him! Now, Hailey does it too. I wonder if you can make up a story about a silly fly that became someone's best friend or the fly that helped someone sad. Just trying to think of different things or funny stories. Hailey's pediatrician said if you make a big deal of her issue (like telling her to STOP- like I did!!!)it will make it worse. Have patience and try to down play the problem and turn it somehow into a not-so-bad silly thing. That's what worked with Hailey and her germ/ hand washing problem.
I think you need to get a referral from your pediatrician. I wonder if this is along the same lines as her skin sensitivity too. Poor thing!
OHHHH that IS really sad (but it has nothing to do with being a bad parent at ALL). I wonder, is her skin itchy, maybe she thinks they are crawling on her (????). Primary music playing in Syd's room has seemed to help with nightmares, blessings are good too. Man, I have no wonderful suggestions, just keep doing what you are doing and hopefully she will outgrow it soon! Good luck girl!
Poor thing! Here is some information I found online...
Help your child “practice” for feared events...
a feeling of some control over his reactions will help him gain self-confidence.
Help Children Broaden the Range of Their Coping Skills. If children feel they have some control over the ways they react, they gain feelings of competence and self-confidence. Ask “What do you think you could do when a bee flies around you? Let the child come up with some solutions and practice the frightening experience trying out various responses. Allow children to act out fears through dramatic play. Use art materials to help children express their fears. If your child can draw a picture of a monster, the monster may be less terrifying.
Let Children See Other People Interact Confidently with the Situations They Fear. Watching another child handle a pet lizard may do more than words to help your child lose his fear of reptiles.
Just thought these ideas might help. The role playing one might work, maybe she could draw a picture of a fly and you could post it on the wall and ask her what she should do when she sees a fly. That might help prepare her for the real thing. Maybe Emma could role play too on reacting calmly...so that she doesn't help Mckenna get riled up when a fly does show up.
Hope everything works out soon!!
We'll say a little prayer for Mckenna.
Oh my goodness, you all have helped so much!! Thank you for all of your great ideas. Taya, you're so sweet for looking that up, those were perfect suggestions, I can't wait till she wakes up from her nap to try them.
Last night was much better, she actually slept through the night. She did have some issues when we tried to go outside, and when I opened a car window, but her sleeping was great. I think the fly in our house must have died because we haven't seen him lately. :)
I love you all, thank you!!!
That is so sad. I can imagine what it is like. Gavin was terrified of the vaccum when he was younger and it was close to the same thing. Though...he did get over it and the vaccum was never under his skin, and we could hide it in the closet. Not so lucky with flies.
This broke my heart. I hope she's getting better!
I am so sorry for you and McKenna! That part about her prayers has got to be one of the hardest things to hear as a parent. She really is terrified. Sometimes Spencer will have night terrors if his sleeping pattern gets off too much. I hope your pediatrician can help because that would be so hard to handle. You and Ian are some of the best parents I know Megan and I know things will be resolved. We'll keep McKenna in our family prayers.
Megan,
My sister who just turned 19 has a major phobia of bugs. There are times when we just have to laugh at how ridiculous she acts, but to her it is no joke. Anyway, after reading this post, I guess I should count my blessings I'm having three boys--they think all and every bug should be our next pet--it's super cool. =)
pteronarcophobia=fear of flies
Hi. I'm 21 and I have pteronarcophobia. Whenever I see a fly in the house I sweat, shiver, hyperventilate and I hide from it until someone can kill it for me lol. But I would agree definitely don't tell her to STOP because people often did that with me and it just made my fear grow. So just try to be as calm with her as you can. Keeping calm is comforting. Good luck and your not a bad mom.
I couldn't help but find this post, and I can honestly feel much emapthy for your child.
I didn't have a fear of fies, exactly, but the fly swatter. Thus, I developed an "irrational fear" of flies.
No, it wasn't the flies i was afraid of...it was the fly swatter! I HATED the sound of it, and I remember once, I saw what happened to fly after it was hit with one...it wasn't dead, it's legs still twitching...I was horrified, and nearly vomited.
Ever since, if i saw a fly, I would try not to look at it (which is VERY hard for a naturalist like me!) and would freak out if anyone else saw it.
So, indirectly, I do, and can sense her fear. Though, going by your other post, this doesn't sound like a true "phobia". This sounds more like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), as it was a traumatic event (the nightmare) that led to this fear, thus, it is rational, and it is not a true phobia.
As for advice I can give you helping her to cope and cure her fear, sometimes, comfort, cuddling, hugging and positive praise in't enough to cure a fear, and i know this from much, and several various accounts of personal experiences! I used to suffer from irrational fears (truely irrational, that is) and some not so irrational, but what it really came down to was my diet, and something in, or better said, lacking in my diet!
I would like to contact you (via email) to explain more about how to cure her of her fears for good. Fear, esecially like hers, coming through the night and something that could occur at any place, any time of day, can, and IS very dangerous to her health, as fear like this can over stimulate the production of enpinephrine (other wise known as adrenaline), leading to adrenal fatigue, something you wouldn't need for your child, in any way!
The info I am hoping to give to you it's quite technical, and would take up a LOOOOOT of space on this page! So, if you could please give me an email, I would kindly take much heart to it, and would love to bring more joy and help her over come her frightful, fight-or-flight fly filled fear.
You can contact me at septipig@hotmail.com, as this is the email adress i use the most often. I would gladly like to help her in overcoming her fear.
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